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My golden retriever decided to roll on the freshly mowed lawn
My golden retriever decided to roll on the freshly mowed lawn
When we'd ask Mom what time is it, her reply....
"Half past a monkey's ass and a quarter to his balls"
(Anyone else hear that?)
When we'd ask Mom what time is it, her reply.... "Half past a monkey's ass and a quarter to his balls" (Anyone else hear that?)
She says, "How hard can installing a door be?"
I'm not gonna say anything
She says, "How hard can installing a door be?" I'm not gonna say anything
Me: I hit an animal and my car is totalled. Am I covered?
Insurance: Yes. What did you hit?
Me: A fish.
Me: I hit an animal and my car is totalled. Am I covered? Insurance: Yes. What did you hit? Me: A fish.
What the enemy meant as your stumbling block..
God just turned into your stepping stone!
Sugran
25 mar
What the enemy meant as your stumbling block.. God just turned into your stepping stone!
Interesting
cally baels
the
explry it
OF longer
fs the he the
De cver cealize that one of then
Whp os letter in Emglish, called w? deuble
exygan is slowly killing vow em
75-100 years to
Lrery the you elean something, yow just make Something else dirty,
& sid 8 sill
imtentionallly lasing a game of roel a game of roek,
just as ard as
kristisun1976 kristisun1976
14 mar
Interesting cally baels the explry it OF longer fs the he the De cver cealize that one of then Whp os letter in Emglish, called w? deuble exygan is slowly killing vow em 75-100 years to Lrery the you elean something, yow just make Something else dirty, & sid 8 sill imtentionallly lasing a game of roel a game of roek, just as ard as
TARGET CASHIER:
"DID YOU FIND EVERYTHING YOU WERE LOOKING FOR?"
ME:
"FIRST OF ALL, I WASN'T LOOKING FOR ANY OF THIS."
TARGET CASHIER: "DID YOU FIND EVERYTHING YOU WERE LOOKING FOR?" ME: "FIRST OF ALL, I WASN'T LOOKING FOR ANY OF THIS."
Anyone else ever feel like [buiiding ]a log cabin in the woods and society behind?
verymanshed101 verymanshed101
17 mar
Anyone else ever feel like [buiiding ]a log cabin in the woods and society behind?
we all got that one friend who says
"hold on let me move some stuff" before u get in their car
WY
moistBeats moistBeats
18 mar
we all got that one friend who says "hold on let me move some stuff" before u get in their car WY
Me replying back a week and a half later: "I'm fine and you"
Me replying back a week and a half later: "I'm fine and you"
Me when I walk in to a room with more people in it then I had expected.
Me when I walk in to a room with more people in it then I had expected.
"Your mother and I never married, Timmy-
So, yes. you are rat bastard."
"Your mother and I never married, Timmy- So, yes. you are rat bastard."
Never let your friends feel lonely... Disturb them all the time.
LisaBruce LisaBruce
9 mar
Never let your friends feel lonely... Disturb them all the time.
It Was Never My
Enemies Had
To Watch Out
For It Was The
Ones Screaming
Love You
It Was Never My Enemies Had To Watch Out For It Was The Ones Screaming Love You
"Describe yourself in three words"
Me:
Meat_Head Meat_Head
12 mar
"Describe yourself in three words" Me:
I'm getting old...
I got out of bed and had chest pains...
I looked down and realised
Iwas standing on my
nipples.
Betteboop65 Betteboop65
21 mar
I'm getting old... I got out of bed and had chest pains... I looked down and realised Iwas standing on my nipples.
A hug that lasted 6000 years!
A hug that lasted 6000 years!
yOUKIDS THINK BE OFFENDED NOW. LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMEONE...
Jdub72 Jdub72
12 mar
yOUKIDS THINK BE OFFENDED NOW. LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMEONE...
can't wait to get to the part of my life where wearing suspenders with sweat pants is completely okay
Jester13 Jester13
8 mar
can't wait to get to the part of my life where wearing suspenders with sweat pants is completely okay
Listen, will you turn this dang thing of f?
said was sorry,
The_Mad_Edder The_Mad_Edder
20 mar
Listen, will you turn this dang thing of f? said was sorry,
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANNA SEE A DICK PICK
THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANNA SEE A DICK PICK