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Professor X: what's your super power?
Me: hindsight
Professor X: that's not going to help us
Me: yes I see that now
Jafo Jafo
17 feb
Professor X: what's your super power? Me: hindsight Professor X: that's not going to help us Me: yes I see that now
worstpetofday worstpetofday
14 mar
It's vet time! The look on Penny's face is priceless!
weather differences between France and Brazil
100
BRAZIL COND
JuanTaboneya JuanTaboneya
21 may
weather differences between France and Brazil 100 BRAZIL COND
Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes around comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.
Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes around comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.
Nathan W. Pyle @
@nathanwpyle
look at how much my mother-in-law's cat grew in 7 months
Nathan W. Pyle @ @nathanwpyle look at how much my mother-in-law's cat grew in 7 months
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN HISTORY NOW?
RamAnand RamAnand
17d
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN HISTORY NOW?
I told my teenage niece to go get me
newspaper.
She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you are so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
Modern problems require modern solutions
BENICE BENICE
1 may
I told my teenage niece to go get me newspaper. She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you are so old. Just use my phone." So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider. Modern problems require modern solutions
Idfk who can NOT like this.
Idfk who can NOT like this.
Dad Jokes
@Dadsaysjokes
My wife is thinking of leaving me because of my obsession with poker
But I think she's bluffing.
Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife is thinking of leaving me because of my obsession with poker But I think she's bluffing.
Have you ever been sexually attracted to the sound of someone's voice?
Have you ever been sexually attracted to the sound of someone's voice?
when someone compliments you and You don't know how to react
when someone compliments you and You don't know how to react
Cheating on me is easy.
But learning how to walk after
I shoot you in your kneecaps is hard. Stay loyal or stay limping, pimping.
Unknown Author
Cheating on me is easy. But learning how to walk after I shoot you in your kneecaps is hard. Stay loyal or stay limping, pimping. Unknown Author
If you hate me, hate me alone.
Don't be out here lying, trying
recruit people to hate me with your miserable ass.
thoughts
Here4thenow Here4thenow
10 mar
If you hate me, hate me alone. Don't be out here lying, trying recruit people to hate me with your miserable ass. thoughts
Doing annoying things to your dog that they do to you
Me trying to get into my car because some asshole parked too close to me
Me trying to get into my car because some asshole parked too close to me
Life Hack #713 When giving advice always add "but what the hell do I know" So you don't feel bad if you ruin
Someone's life
Life Hack #713 When giving advice always add "but what the hell do I know" So you don't feel bad if you ruin Someone's life
Disappointment
(noun)
Running into a wall with an erection and breaking your nose
mean_plotbruv mean_plotbruv
18 mar
Disappointment (noun) Running into a wall with an erection and breaking your nose
When we'd ask Mom what time is it, her reply....
"Half past a monkey's ass and a quarter to his balls"
(Anyone else hear that?)
When we'd ask Mom what time is it, her reply.... "Half past a monkey's ass and a quarter to his balls" (Anyone else hear that?)
My wife just rolled over to me in bed and whispered, know it's late but do you want to have cheese toast?"
That, my friends, is how you keep the romance alive.
My wife just rolled over to me in bed and whispered, know it's late but do you want to have cheese toast?" That, my friends, is how you keep the romance alive.
March 2021
Almost the same as March 2020 except now we have toilet paper.
March 2021 Almost the same as March 2020 except now we have toilet paper.
WHEN YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL
TIRED BULLSHIT.
WHEN YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL TIRED BULLSHIT.