14 Actual Announcements Made By Flight
Attendants. Someone Give Them Medal.
"To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. it works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.
This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings. if
'you're going to leave anything, please make sure
It's something we'd like to have."
"Thank 'enjoyed you for giving flying us the on our as We much hope as you we
'enjoyed enjoyed giving taking us the you business for ride." as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, we're sure as hell everything has shifted."
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
'masks will descend from the celling. Stop
Sscreaming, face. if you grab have the mask, small and child pull it over your with you, face. if you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. if
'you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you"
"Your the seat cushions can be used emergency for water flotation; landing, and please in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
"As you your exit the belongings. plane, make Anything sure left to gather behind will all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."
"United Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some Industry. of the best flight attendants of them in are the on this
Industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.
seat belts fastened while the
left of our airplane to the gat
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal
"Ladies and gentlemer
'smoking wing. section can on this light airplane 'em, you is outside smoke on the 'em." the wing. Ifyou can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting tube, through we hope the you'll skies think in of a pressurized United Airlines.
metal tube, we hope you'll think of United Airlines.